that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
