No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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