As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
