Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
