I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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