ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
