I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
