so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
