I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
