Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
