Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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