Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
