so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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