What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
