how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
