mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
