Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
