Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The air was thick with penises
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
