all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
