glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
