In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
FUCK WHALES
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