i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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