we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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