I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
