I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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