i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
