College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
im on a boat
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