can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
