just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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