You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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