I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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