just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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