I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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