Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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