I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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