I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
