I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
