the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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