yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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