your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you will always have a special place in my vag
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
