i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
