Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
