Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there is glitter all over my balls
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
