I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
