watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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