I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
