THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
