Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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