So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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