The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
