If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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