I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You ruined the universe
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
