do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
