it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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