you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
