it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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