I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
bring money and cleavage
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
