Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
