Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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