at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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