no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
