He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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