Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
