apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
