took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
