Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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