a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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