So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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