Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Text me some of your sweat
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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