There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
