What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We left an ass print on the piano.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
