it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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