Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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