I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
