I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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