Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
