I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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