I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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