The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Michael Bay diarrhea
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
