they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
